1
00:00:02,970 --> 00:00:04,772
Max, thanks for agreeing
to get in the spirit

2
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:06,774
and do holiday cupcakes.

3
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,177
So much better than
last year when you go so drunk

4
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,312
you turned the
12 days of Christmas

5
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,647
into the 12 steps of Christmas.

6
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:16,117
Yeah, well, I finally gave in.

7
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,818
Christmas is like herpes.

8
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,420
No matter what you do,

9
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:21,789
it's gonna flare up once a year.

10
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:25,259
Oh, you made
a feliz navidad cupcake.

11
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:27,195
I'm muy proud of you.

12
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:29,697
And I think we're going
to make muy mucho moolah

13
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:32,466
when Manuel comes manana.

14
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,168
You're the only person I know

15
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:37,671
who seems whiter
speaking Spanish.

16
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:41,175
Feliz navidad for our
Spanish speaking friends.

17
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:47,081
And for kids raised like me,
feliz "he's-not-your-dad."

18
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:50,551
And then, "joy to the world"
for the normals,

19
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:54,222
and for the hipsters,
"joint to the world."

20
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:57,425
For the kids,
"frosty the snowman."
Aww.

21
00:00:57,458 --> 00:01:01,829
And for you,
"frosty with no man."

22
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:07,101
Well, I didn't see Jack frost
nipping at your nips either.

23
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:09,170
Oh, here, this one's
my favorite,

24
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,371
"Santa claus is coming"...

25
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,773
Max, stop right there.

26
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,608
No, that was it.
He's coming.

27
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:17,645
(peter bjorn and John)
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

28
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,413
[cash register bell dings]

29
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:24,385
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh *

30
00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:29,323
Earl, change please.

31
00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:31,192
"Earl, change please."

32
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:35,496
A phrase I heard
from both my ex-wives.

33
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,698
Wow, you have more
Christmas cards

34
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,634
than Oscar pistorius
had excuses.

35
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:43,804
What can I say, Max?
I spread a lot of goodwill.

36
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:48,509
It's also where I get
all of my shirts.

37
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:52,546
Here you go.
Have a nice holiday.

38
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,715
My two kids love
this time of year.

39
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:02,856
And next Christmas,
there will be three.

40
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,861
It's a boy.

41
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:11,265
My husband was so happy when
i called him in Afghanistan.

42
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:19,473
Man, this time of year
people are easier

43
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:22,210
than a fat girl in a tube top.

44
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:23,811
Oh, great.
We can use this money

45
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,546
to order more
of our cupcake t-shirts.

46
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:28,249
No, we are using that
to buy people Christmas gifts.

47
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,651
I was really looking forward
to giving someone something

48
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:33,821
that wouldn't require
the follow-up penicillin shot.

49
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:37,691
We need more shirts.
These are really selling.

50
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,927
The guy at table four
said it's the perfect gift

51
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:45,299
for a girl you're not in love
with, just strictly banging.

52
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,901
He bought three.
Well...

53
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,403
I happen to know for a fact

54
00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:51,305
that everyone here's
getting us stuff.

55
00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:53,407
Han came in with
a small package today

56
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:57,678
and also he was carrying
a gift bag.

57
00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,480
We'll find some money
for the gifts.

58
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,449
People aren't expecting
anything big.

59
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:04,218
Happy holidays.

60
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:07,821
People just got the nothing big
they were expecting.

61
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,324
Gather, please.
I have a very special gift

62
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,260
for all my diner employees.

63
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:13,894
Health insurance?

64
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:18,566
Come on, it's christmastime,
not crazy time.

65
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,801
It's art. It's a one of a kind
silk screen.

66
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,536
I did it by hand.

67
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:26,840
I figured that's how
you always have to do it.

68
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:34,348
Han, it's the diner.
This is amazing.

69
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,684
Open the door.
I put something behind it

70
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,957
that reminds me of each of you.

71
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,587
Mine has Sophie.

72
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,489
Mine has a saxophone.

73
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:42,956
Mine has a cupcake.

74
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,993
Mine has a chainsaw.

75
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:49,997
[Imitates chainsaw]

76
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,336
Hey, everybody!

77
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:01,342
Holiday shopping tip:

78
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:04,445
Fill a Starbucks cup with vodka.

79
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:09,417
Also good for waitressing.

80
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:10,727
Sophie, were you
Christmas shopping?

81
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,620
(Sophie)
Oh, you know I was!

82
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,756
Power strips!

83
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:19,593
Oh good.
You got surge protectors.

84
00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:22,029
Wow, that's the first time
protection's

85
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,598
ever been used
in your apartment.

86
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:29,503
Well, my Christmas village
needs 75,000 watts.

87
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:32,773
And that's just to work
my candy cane helicopter.

88
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,642
Sophie's been so busy

89
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,378
with the Polish society
decorating contest.

90
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,046
We haven't had sex in days.

91
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:43,584
Well, I got to beat my Nemesis,
felka bobenski.

92
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,619
She wins every year.

93
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:48,722
She's like the modern family
of Christmas decorations

94
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:52,059
you know who's having
a blue Christmas this year?

95
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,728
My balls.

96
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,869
I love this city
at the holidays.

97
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,537
Yeah, the urine's all frozen

98
00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:06,407
so you can't really smell it.

99
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,752
Manhattan is the best place
to buy quality Christmas gifts.

100
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,110
We have 40 bucks.

101
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,812
Now, where are those duffel bags

102
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,623
full of stolen electronics
sold for half the price

103
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,082
by Nairobi refugees?

104
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,817
Well, we better find them soon

105
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,495
or I'm going to give up
and go to radio shack

106
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,454
like everyone else
who goes to radio shack.

107
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:22,590
[Gasps]
Oh my god, Max.

108
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,958
My childhood bank.

109
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:26,760
You had a childhood bank?

110
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,996
I didn't even have a childhood.

111
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,865
Come on, let's go.
I stop in every few months

112
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:33,434
to get caught on
the security cameras,

113
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:35,044
so people will think
I'm still in the mix.

114
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:38,038
Trying to get caught
on security cameras?

115
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,741
Whoa, we are different.

116
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:43,577
Yeah, we'll just go in
and while we're in here,

117
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:47,848
well, I don't know,
ask for a business loan.

118
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,883
We are not getting
a business loan!

119
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,752
You tricked me
into coming to the city.

120
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:54,988
At least knock me out and put me
in the trunk like a person.

121
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,725
Okay, I hear you.
No loan.

122
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,460
But can we at least go in there

123
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:00,904
so I can get a hit
off some vault fumes

124
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:03,030
and a complimentary
Christmas cocoa?

125
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,998
Yeah, I want one too.

126
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:10,571
It's so cold out here my bra is
suing my nipples for assault.

127
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:14,908
I'd say we ask for $15,000.

128
00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:16,877
So close I almost smelled 100.

129
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,779
What is with you?

130
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,481
If I wanted you to keep
lying to me,

131
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,015
I'd date you.

132
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,585
Max, we need more capital

133
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,119
so we can buy
our shirts in bulk,

134
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:27,621
and then,
if we work even harder,

135
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,089
we can double our profit.

136
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:31,792
Okay, we won't pass
even the credit check.

137
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,694
According to my
social security number,

138
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,697
I died in a boat explosion
years ago.

139
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,199
This is the time to apply.

140
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,602
Bankers have more guilt
at christmastime

141
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,003
because of
it's a wonderful life.

142
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,805
And also 'cause they're Jewish.

143
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,707
I'm the one
with the business degree,

144
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,108
and you have to trust me
on this.

145
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,943
You know what?
You're right.

146
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,846
You're the business genius.
What do I know?

147
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,114
Let's go get that loan.

148
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,683
Thank you!

149
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:02,189
Yeah, I should have known
that was too good to be true.

150
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,060
Max, come on.

151
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,896
The bank's there.
Our shirt's in here.

152
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,540
Let's just go in, show them,
and apply for that loan.

153
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:11,665
Please!
No.

154
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:12,900
Please!
No.

155
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,802
Please!
No.

156
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,212
And that right there
was a little something

157
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,706
called "us asking
for a bank loan."

158
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,173
Now let's go.

159
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:21,842
I'm not leaving here
until you tell me

160
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,677
what the underlying issue is.

161
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:26,914
I'm not in love
with you anymore.

162
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,682
Max, be serious.

163
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,183
This whole t-shirt
was your idea.

164
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,819
What's the real problem?

165
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:32,853
That's the problem.

166
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,555
Those shirts were my idea

167
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:37,257
and nothing that comes from me
is worth $15,000.

168
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,561
Aside from that baby
i sold on e-baby.

169
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:43,831
Max, I know these t-shirts
are a money-maker.

170
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:46,967
Oh, I have a money-maker
and that's not it.

171
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,936
I can prove it.

172
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,671
Look, this is Rodney,

173
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:53,607
my childhood over-priced
clothing store.

174
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:56,810
If I had known we were going
on the childhood tour today,

175
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,287
I would have worn more
comfortable shoes

176
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,147
and stayed home.

177
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,550
See the shirt on the mannequin?

178
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,251
At least $200.

179
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:07,120
And there's no reason we can't
sell ours for just as much.

180
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:08,856
I'll show you.
Follow me.

181
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:11,224
Oh, okay, I will.
But not on instagram,

182
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,527
'cause you're out of control.

183
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:18,165
This place is fancy

184
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:21,769
and I've been to the
new port authority in Newark.

185
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:24,071
Just trust me, okay?

186
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,639
You need to jump on
those wang pumps

187
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:28,809
or like Ben affleck,
they will be "gone, girl."

188
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,845
Let me do the talking.
I speak his language.

189
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:35,783
And what language is that?
Portu-gays?

190
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:38,819
Hello, ladies.
Welcome to Rodney.

191
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,187
I'm Barry.

192
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,022
Doing a little holiday shopping?

193
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,558
We're not allowed
to say Christmas.

194
00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:47,695
As a matter of fact, we're doing
a little holiday selling.

195
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:50,764
Oh, you're "selling."
Yeah.

196
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,199
Got it.
Molly? Coke?

197
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,301
Not that I'm interested.

198
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:57,037
I've been clean since
fire island 2010.

199
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,773
And 2012.

200
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:04,177
It must be hard to not
be high and be you.

201
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,580
Because it's hard for me

202
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:09,617
to just be near you
and not be high.

203
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,786
Yeah, you get it, girl.

204
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:15,589
Actually, we wanted to see
if you'd be interested

205
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,758
in selling one of our
fabulous graphic t-shirts.

206
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:22,663
Oh, n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n...
All sorts of "no," okay?

207
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,998
As much as I love a fez,
a caftan, and a teenage boy,

208
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:27,601
this isn't Morocco.

209
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:32,205
That's a really long
and boring version of "no."

210
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:36,944
It's like you just did
"no! The one woman show."

211
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,779
Here's our t-shirt...
Look.

212
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,314
I'll tell you two what
i said to a young Marc Jacobs.

213
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:45,352
Stop offering, I'm off the junk.

214
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,655
Merry holiday.

215
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:50,624
I'll show Mary a holiday.

216
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:51,968
Our shirts are just
as good as these.

217
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:55,362
He just needs to see it.

218
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,165
Here, hold this.

219
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,200
What are you?
American psycho?

220
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,335
As soon as someone
says "no" to you,

221
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:05,639
you start dismembering women.

222
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:06,974
I can't get her shirt off.

223
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:08,251
Tell her she can spend the night

224
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,679
and you'll buy her
a waffle in the morning.

225
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,113
Okay, hand me our shirt.

226
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,115
I think this
is gonna be big for us.

227
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:18,351
You also think
Michael buble rocks.

228
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,854
Oh, I have to hurry.
Barry is coming.

229
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,055
Barry is coming.

230
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:25,392
I'm guessing
mostly with strangers.

231
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:28,962
Seriously?

232
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:32,232
Seriously?

233
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:37,204
Ser-i-ous-ly?

234
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,405
So cute.

235
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:41,008
And look on the back,
"cream filled."

236
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,375
Funny.

237
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:45,813
People will think
i have a personality.

238
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,380
Barry, put this
with my other stuff.

239
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,416
How much?
300.

240
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:53,821
Forget the sober story.
That guy is high.

241
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,288
I'll take ten.

242
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,890
They'll make great
hanukkah gifts

243
00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:59,760
for my friends
who don't hate their arms.

244
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:04,097
All our shirts just got bought
by a rich dead lady.

245
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,333
I'll need 30 more by Friday.

246
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:13,106
Yes, I'm still holding.

247
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,308
I need to place
a rush t-shirt order.

248
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,182
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't put me on hold again.

249
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,454
I've been through
seven rounds of

250
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,781
grandma got run over
by a reindeer.

251
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:24,117
And she just got run over again.

252
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:27,187
Now that we have all this
crazy gay t-shirt money,

253
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:30,791
I think we should
up the prices on these gifts.

254
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,492
So we agree,
we're getting Earl a car.

255
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,494
Sophie is getting
the country house

256
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,797
with the lake
she's always wanted.

257
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:39,499
Max, Rodney is selling
our shirts for 300,

258
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,401
but we only get 25 of that.

259
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:44,137
And you can't buy a house
for $750.

260
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:48,008
It's not Detroit.

261
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,811
Yes, hi, hi, hi.
Finally a person.

262
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,814
I need 50 t-shirts
by Friday.

263
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:57,250
But your business card says you
guarantee next-day delivery.

264
00:11:57,284 --> 00:12:00,487
Oh, you can't "guarantee"
that guarantee?

265
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,322
Okay, now Oleg.

266
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:04,391
What do you get a man
who has nothing,

267
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,526
but shows you everything?

268
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,862
What do you mean
"is there anything else

269
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:13,233
you can help me with?"
When did you help me at all?

270
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,535
And I'm beginning to think
if grandma works for you,

271
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,080
she didn't get run over
by that reindeer,

272
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,339
she threw herself
under a sleigh.

273
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:25,212
So, Sophie's getting a snapple.

274
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,014
Like last year.

275
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:30,117
Max, we can't give up.
We can do them ourselves.

276
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:31,919
We just need someone else
to do them.

277
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:34,187
Come on, let's go.

278
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:35,823
There are customers
who have been here

279
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,125
since Robin thicke was relevant.

280
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:41,128
Wait a minute, han.
You silk-screened all those

281
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,831
beautiful cards.
You have an artistic side.

282
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:46,166
Yeah, but no backside.

283
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:50,003
And a front side that shouldn't
be allowed outside.

284
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:51,438
[Imitates chainsaw]

285
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,879
Why is this taking so long?

286
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,547
You did all those
Christmas cards.

287
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,984
Aren't small creatures
supposed to be fast?

288
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:07,454
Truth be told, those were
supposed to be ready last year.

289
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:11,324
But, what was the rush?
You two weren't going anywhere.

290
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,160
Han, just a simple
"yes" or "no".

291
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,394
No judgment.

292
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,865
Have you had sex
with this machine?

293
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,867
The only thing worse than
you two working for me

294
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,268
is me working for you.

295
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,071
You haven't even given me water.

296
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:27,307
Water is for closers.

297
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:31,144
By "closers," I mean people
who actually make clothes.

298
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,545
[Knock on door]

299
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,181
Who's that?

300
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:38,919
Han, did you call
child protective service on us?

301
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:42,022
'Cause those bruises
could be from anyone.

302
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,324
Han, you've only made
one shirt in two hours.

303
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:48,061
And it's a masterpiece.
Do you want one citizen Kane

304
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:51,298
or 30 here comes the booms?

305
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,934
Guys, I need your help.

306
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:57,004
Sophie's right behind me
and needs some cheering up.

307
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,571
I haven't seen her
this depressed

308
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:01,408
since she woke up
mid-coitus last night.

309
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,946
Hi.

310
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,948
Hi.
Hi, girls.

311
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:09,149
Merry Christmas.

312
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,051
Quick question:

313
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,921
If I were to turn on that oven
and close all the windows,

314
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,488
would I die?

315
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,090
Nope.

316
00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,625
Otherwise I wouldn't be
standing here

317
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:21,962
next to
Kim jong-only-done-one.

318
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:24,131
Sophie, what's the problem?

319
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,474
Tell han while he gets
back to work.

320
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,100
And han, pick up the pace

321
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,336
or I'm going to start
the pinching again.

322
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:33,640
I'm gonna lose the
Christmas decorating contest.

323
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:37,577
Oh, I have nothing to live for.

324
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:43,050
Oh, Caroline, this is probably
how you feel every day.

325
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,418
Sophie's competition
made a live-action

326
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:48,655
north pole workshop
in front of her house.

327
00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:52,492
Well, all I got upstairs
is a light-up nativity

328
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:57,931
and $25,000 worth of
target Christmas decorations.

329
00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:00,200
She blew five fuses last night.

330
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:04,471
I never thought
I'd be jealous of a fuse.

331
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,539
Sophie, we really can't
get into this now.

332
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,275
We are way behind
with these t-shirts.

333
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,110
And these t-shirts are
a once in a lifetime

334
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:13,646
ow!
Chance for us to go to
a new place with our business.

335
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:17,117
Oh yeah, i hear you, girls.

336
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,095
I mean, what am I doing here
sitting worrying about

337
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,387
some silly contest?

338
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,122
It's Christmas.

339
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,157
Come on everybody.

340
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:25,692
We should all be
helping the girls.

341
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,561
Really?
That would be so amazing.

342
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:31,999
Sure! And you wouldn't even
have to pay me back

343
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,401
by letting me use your barn and
your horse tomorrow night

344
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:37,104
for a live nativity scene, which
you would all have to be in.

345
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:38,471
Or something like that.

346
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:44,944
I think we just had
a seasonal shake-down.

347
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,253
Han's doing the last one.
We're gonna make it.

348
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:56,256
I can't believe you're in such
a good mood with that beard.

349
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,191
Last week when you found
those two chin hairs,

350
00:15:58,225 --> 00:15:59,592
you weren't so chipper.

351
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,329
I'm just so happy
i have new clothes.

352
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:04,231
Okay, final shirt.

353
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,733
Then I get you two
out of my angel hair.

354
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,601
Han, you know,
if it weren't for you,

355
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,370
we would have never
gotten this done.

356
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,472
You really are a little angel.

357
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,407
Yeah, you are.
But I'm still surprised

358
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:17,344
you weren't cast as the baby.

359
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:19,412
Oh, I was asked, but I declined.

360
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,614
I spent ten year
getting out of diapers.

361
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,784
I'm not getting back in.

362
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,754
Han, for your Christmas gift,

363
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,257
I'll pretend i never heard that.

364
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,659
Places everybody.

365
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:35,395
The judges are coming.
I'm ready.

366
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:38,131
Joseph's ready.
Cabbage patch Christ is ready.

367
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,766
Come on!

368
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:41,801
What's with the cleavage?

369
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,236
I know.

370
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:45,272
She's like
the not-so-virgin Mary.

371
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:51,744
Angel, Shepherd,
lady with the beard,

372
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,513
come on, get in the stable.

373
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:55,048
Stable?

374
00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:58,251
The way we look
it should be an "unstable."

375
00:16:58,285 --> 00:17:00,753
- Everybody ready?
I'm going to open the barn door.

376
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,289
Okay.
Yeah, I think
your barn door's

377
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:04,257
already a little open.

378
00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:07,494
Okay now, who am I again?

379
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,662
Voltron?

380
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,464
I'm not gonna lie.
One of the wise men

381
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:15,535
might have smoked
some "myrrh-ijuana."

382
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,637
That was a very nice
Christmas gift, Max.

383
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:20,340
Thanks, Earl.
By the way, Sophie,

384
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,650
the barn and us
dressed like idiots?

385
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:24,244
That's your
Christmas gift.
Oh.

386
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,712
Oh, and hey, bang Oleg later.

387
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,447
Oleg, that's your gift.

388
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,316
How did you know?

389
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:32,319
Before they come in, let's just
take a moment to look around

390
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:35,588
and really let in
the true spirit of Christmas.

391
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:38,391
I don't remember
writing you a monologue.

392
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:41,328
Shut up!
Get your ass over by the horse.

393
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:44,831
Come on, han.
Hit the music.

394
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,300
[Christmas music playing]
All right, everybody,

395
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:49,469
look holy.

396
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,339
Best I can do is my underwear.

397
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,182
All: Ooh!

398
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:04,151
O h, crap!

399
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:07,154
Oh, that's right, felka.

400
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:10,357
I'm the freakin' mother of god.

401
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,328
[Chuckles]
We won!

402
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:17,497
I'm so happy we won.

403
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:20,467
We won! We won!

404
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:23,736
Okay, show's over.

405
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,739
Dump the kid, I'll be upstairs.

406
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:30,477
Max, take care of
cabbage patch Christ.

407
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:35,114
Here, han.
You got a buddy your own size.

408
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,521
Thank you so much, Barry.

409
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,356
And remember, I want
50 more shirts

410
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:46,259
after the first of the year
after I'm back from rehab.

411
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:50,763
'Cause ladies, I am planning
a very white Christmas.

412
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,399
Max, this is amazing!

413
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,434
Do you know what just
happened in there?

414
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:58,438
Yeah, I stole some dope-ass
fingerless gloves.

415
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,473
We're in business with them now.

416
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:01,617
You have to bring those back.

417
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:05,245
I got them for you.
Okay.

418
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,247
This is like
a Christmas miracle.

419
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,482
Our shirts are being sold
in the most exclusive

420
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:12,919
bitchy boutique in Manhattan
and they want more, lots more.

421
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,621
Hey, let's go into your
childhood bank.

422
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,356
I need to take an adult pee.

423
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:18,458
Okay, but this isn't home,
so remember,

424
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,293
put the seat down
when you're done.

425
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:25,265
And while we're in there,
we can apply for that loan.

426
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:26,533
No, no, no, no, no.
We can't.

427
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:27,734
Now I'm afraid.

428
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,369
Come on,
what's the real issue here?

429
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,404
We just had this
amazing success.

430
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:33,506
And it looks like things
are going our way,

431
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:34,850
and if we go in there,
it could all be ruined.

432
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:37,244
You know what would ruin
our lives even more?

433
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:40,380
If we don't get that loan
and have to spend hours

434
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:43,516
with han standing under us
trying to finish those shirts.

435
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,552
Well, that's a real
"nightmare before Christmas."

436
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:47,754
Let's go.
Good, cause I'm
starting to pee a little.

437
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,429
He gave us a loan!

438
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:59,399
Is everyone who works
on the street high?

439
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:02,735
I can't believe it.
It didn't go bad.

440
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,971
I'm getting everything i want.

441
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,573
Walk on the outside
of the sidewalk.

442
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:07,874
I'm gonna get hit by a bus.

443
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,942
I mean, how could he
give us a loan?

444
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,412
I didn't even have to
flash my boobs.

445
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:14,914
Then why did you do it?

446
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,949
I don't know.
They were making it rain.

447
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,318
I felt obliged.

448
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,287
Max, do you have a dollar?

449
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,323
I don't know.
Do you have change for 10,000?

450
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:25,825
Yeah, here. For what?
For those less fortunate

451
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:28,261
Anne hathaway's here?

452
00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:32,965
[Bell ringing]

453
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:35,635
Oh, my god.
Look! Look!

454
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:38,004
Whoa, no way!
No way!

455
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:40,673
Max, I have chills.

456
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:43,976
Well, it is snowing and there's
no fingers on those gloves.

457
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,678
I love these.

458
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,022
I'm sorry I didn't
get you anything.

459
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:48,748
I'm just not a thief.

460
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:51,284
What do you mean
you didn't get me anything?

461
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:53,019
You got me everything.
Look.

462
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:58,491
[Bell ringing]

463
00:20:58,525 --> 00:21:01,494
[Christmas music playing]

464
00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:05,865
*